I Thought I Had Friends. Then I Quit Instagram.

Disclaimer: This is not another think piece telling you to quit Instagram.

Nine months ago, I deactivated my Instagram account. I did so for a variety of reasons, and I didn’t know how long I’d be gone. I just knew that it was not doing me many favors, and I needed to really commit to taking a break. It was like detoxing for the first few weeks. Instagram was often the first app that I’d open when I unlocked my phone. I had reduced my posting on it, but I was still on it a lot. I decided I needed to reevaluate why I used the app in the first place and also figure out why it was negatively affecting me.

A few days ago, I reactivated my account. Within a few minutes, I was quickly reminded why I decided to leave it months ago. It became clear to me that if I was going to maintain an account, I had to have a healthier relationship with it. I couldn’t use it the way I had been for years - feeling envy, seeking validation, wasting time. So, I cleaned up my following and follower lists. My standard for this was simply if I hadn’t seen or spoken to the person (in a meaningful way, one-on-one, and not just a story reply or reaction) in the past few years, then we really didn’t need to be keeping up with each other. It’s nothing personal. I went from 575 followers to 82. And that list could probably still be whittled down.

In the months I was gone, my mental health did in fact vastly improve. And I came to a startling revelation. Many of the friends whom I considered somewhat close (meaning beyond superficial) only kept up with me via this app. Rarely, if ever, did any of them reach out to me directly while I was gone. It was truly out of sight, out of mind. I also realized the same was true for me - since I wasn’t seeing their stories on a daily basis anymore, I also just forgot. And so it became clear to me that my approach to friendship was heavily reliant on this app and not on genuine connection.

This was a lesson in how, while social media can very much connect people and be positive, in many senses it is an empty form of connection. It is consuming, not engaging. It is one-sided. If you are watching someone’s life, thoroughly documented online, what reason is there to speak with them and ask them how they are? You already know what they’re doing, where they are, etc.

As mentioned, my goal is not for this to be another Substack think piece on quitting Instagram and seeing the light. Right now, I am primarily following local businesses and accounts that post uplifting content. I’m not really flipping through people’s stories because frankly I really don’t want to. I’ve given myself a week to determine if I actually want to be on the app or not. I’m not sure yet. I don’t have a lot of Instagram followers - and I’m actually very proud of that.

My takeaway from this experience was to make more of an attempt at genuine friendship based on being like-minded and enjoying each other’s company. And of course, wanting to keep up outside of social media.

Instagram says I can deactivate my account again in a few days if I wish to. I just might.